GUEST BLOG: This guest is truly amazing. Becky is a lover of Jesus, wife to her hilariously happy husband, compassionate and prayerfully persistent mother to her children, fearlessly faithful friend to her friends, and a hardworking real-estate agent in Northern Virginia. My wife and I have been praying weekly with Becky and her husband for over 10 years. They are lifelong friends (they have heard our not so good stories and loved us none the less). I hope her story inspires you more and more.
As a little girl, I gave my heart to Christ. Baptized at age 7, I have known little of not feeling the pursuing presence of Jesus throughout my life. Jesus was and is my closest friend, savior, and confidante. But Jesus is not the only person in the Godhead mystery. The triune God is an interdependent three-person relationship. For some reason I have had healthy relational receptors for Jesus, but what about God the Father and the Holy Spirit?
Over the last several years, I have been walking through a trial that has earthquaked my faith. It caused me to question the promises of God and His desire/ability to answer my prayers concerning this long-lasting trial. During this trial, I have clung to God’s word, prayer, and even worship, but have struggled to get any significant measure of breakthrough. And my relationship with the Lord, more often than not, felt distant and disappointing. And I knew that it wasn’t Him, it had to be me.
With Holy Spirit prompting, I decided to meet with a therapist to see if she could help me get back to my NORMAL self in Christ. During therapy, I began to unpack some experiences from childhood that I didn’t even think had much significance and barely remembered. In tandem with therapy, I was studying John chapter 14. Verse 1 says “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in Me.” I meditated on this one verse. Trust Jesus; no problem. Trust in God (the Father); not so much. Why?
I began to ask the Holy Spirit what was going on inside of me that I didn’t trust my Father and a childhood memory flooded into my mind’s eye. I was roughly 5 or 6 years old on a family vacation on the shores of Cape Cod. (I am the middle sister of 7 girls with a loving mom and dad: three sisters above me and three below.) The day had been spent on a fairly deserted beach discovering all manner of tidal pools and sea-life. As we were packing up to head back to our 12 passenger van, parked a significant distance from our location, I stepped on something severely cutting my foot. In an effort to keep sand out of my bleeding wound, my dad picked me up and carried me the full distance back to our van. As this memory was stirring in my mind a thought hit me; as a little girl, it had been my experience that when my dad picked me up it was usually when I was hurt, in danger, or in need of discipline. Was this how I viewed my Heavenly Dad, only to draw near when I was hurt, in danger, or in need of discipline?
I let the pain of this idea sink in while sitting in the field behind my house; all alone; tears began. Tears because I had not known the tender feeling of being scooped up as a little girl in my loving dad’s arms just because he delighted in being with me; because he enjoyed my presence, or because he wanted to get a close look into my eyes to tell me he loved me and that I mattered to him. And I had inadvertently viewed my True Dad, Abba, through that lens most of my life. That lens had dulled the receptors in my mind and spirit to receive my Good Father for His true nature. I wept.
I wept for how I had misunderstood Father God and I wept in delight for a veiled removed from my mind. I sensed Father say to me, “I delight in you. I want to be with you.” And I began to picture Him scooping up that little girl in His arms, just because.
I revisit that moment quite often because I want to keep my receptors for Daddy’s connection to me alert. For I know that my old way of viewing Him has stronger receptors in my mind than the refreshed view. I revisit that experience to strengthen the awakened receptors in my mind and spirit so that they become stronger than the old receptors; ready to receive God the Father’s perfect signal of love.